Thursday, June 27, 2013

Inventory of my Past

Little and Big

  • Convention: 1
  • Life in Color: 2
  • Lights All Night: 3
  • Something Wicked: 2
  • ID Fest: 1

I'm not too sure there is much to say. The past is the past; it's the road I've traveled to get the present and the present is the road I'll travel to get to the future.

Every time the count goes up, I find a new possibility of who I am. The possibilities are always changing because my number will always be increasing.

I guess I should be more specific, personal, sharing.

Rave Fam 
The most recent possibility is my relationship with my sisters. Take my hand and I'll lead you to where you're suppose to be. Well what I found was myself holding hands with a girl I had always wanted to be friends with. Laughing, giggling, trusting, motivating. I let go of the resentment and jealousy I had for sorority girls and decided to rush. I can't let people control my emotions or what I want anymore; I choose to be happy and loving and INCLUSIVE. [I also met the greatest possibility of my life. He somehow got the girl that cares about nothing to care about everything in less than 3 days.]

It's okay to lose yourself in the madness; it creates a new place from where you can start. I should have let go of everything holding me back when I realized this, but upping my count one more time fixed this. My ex was creating lots of the jealousy and resentment I had. He was feeding negative emotions for reasons I will never be able to even imagine. He was keeping me from my friends, family, and most importantly myself. I was comfortable, confident, happy; he killed my roll.

If you know the most about life, live life yourself. I let my ex live my life and he fucked it up. He acted like he made it better every step of the way but all that happened was I did his homework and he bought bad drugs.

Once there was the possibility of living an amazing life with my ex. (Well actually not really, everyone was trying to tell me that I was being stupid and this was a bad idea but I was blinded by possibilities of life. FAIL.) Live your life in the present, not in the future. If I wasn't happy then how could I have been happy 6 months down the road, well I wasn't.

Open your eyes up to who you are, who is around you, who loves you. Don't be afraid of embarrassing yourself because the best relationships will come out of it. My rave fam.

Now that you're caught up on where I have been time to keep track of where I am.